ontario poet | kikicarr.com

In a world of commentary, why would I choose to do this?

Because It’s about the book, not the typo.

Today is the day that I received the first print copy of my debut poetry book. It just arrived in the mail and I was nervously excited. I opened the cardboard box to reveal the 10 copies in front of me. Picking one up slowly and somewhat apprehensively. For some reason, the first thing I thought was what if there’s a mistake in it? Weird, I shook it off. I had proofreaders, a formatter, I read and re-read it SEVERAL times… never an issue. So why would my first thought be this? On a day that is so special to me? It must just be nerves and irrational anxiety.

I picked up a copy and smiled. I started fanning through it with a grounded delight. I stopped at a random page, my smile grew wider. This was my big moment. I could have picked any page, I had 122 to choose from. I chose this particular one for my hands to stop at. And then I saw it: a misspelled word.

I immediately put the book down.

I have time to fix this. I have time to fix this. I can do this. Okay, let me get on emails right away. Let me Google how to re-upload. Okay, let me pull up YouTube and see how others did this in a short amount of time. Will this mess up the Amazon algorithm? But I’ve already told everyone of the launch date, will this wreck everything? As I was repeating all of these anxious thoughts over and over, I felt negative emotions take over my body. Like a heavy blanket wrapped around me filled with sand pressing down on my shoulders. My heart started beating faster, my head was spinning, I could feel sweat coming on… and for what?

I picked the book up and held it in my hands once more.

I smiled again. Everything melted away. I thought, why does this matter? Who am I panicking for? Not me, that’s for sure. It hit me at that moment. I was going to put myself in a strained emotional whirlwind for other people. Perhaps some human being out there in the ethers that I will never even meet in person. I can see the Amazon and Goodreads review now, typo on page xx – 3 stars for not being thorough. Or maybe I’m getting worried for the friends and family who will pick it up and twinge when they see it. And I’ll get the Instagram DM, “Hey not sure if you know this or not, just wanted to let you know that there is a typo in your book!“. Visuals of people gossiping slid through my mind, as they mocked something that I worked hard on. All because of one letter.

When I see the typo, it doesn’t bother me. At all. I kind of smile at it and think that it’s just a piece of the story. I’m not perfect, nor do I seek perfection (because it’s obviously not real). And when I check in with myself emotionally, I don’t feel upset by it. What does get me anxious is what others will say. And right there at that moment, standing in my dining room holding the first-ever copy of my debut poetry book, I decided to keep the typo. Because it doesn’t bother me and I don’t exist to ease the commentary of others. I also thought that putting myself in a chaotic and worried state, to please other people, is the literal antithesis of the very thing I was holding. This book that speaks of letting go of the heaviness and embracing through acceptance. This book that I lovingly sewed together to explain delight in a space of internal lessons. This bound collection of pages in which dives into mindfulness as a means of being. In all of that, where-oh-where is the page that I dive into How to please others through putting your emotions last, all for the sake of one letter?

Yeah, I’m still smiling. Because in a world of commentary, I’m learning to do my own thing and let others do what pleases them. Their choice is okay too, it is theirs to make and I find comfort in that. For me, I choose to strive for delight and thrive in the humanness of being.

On that narrative, I’d like to replace the idea of embracing “imperfection” with embracing “being”. Because imperfect vs perfect is still such a black or white thing. I’m still not chasing imperfection, rather I am just being me. In whatever capacity that means. And for today, that means I’m not ruining my Thursday all for one simple letter.

It’s about the book, not the typo.

I’d like to add this little note, to thank everyone who purchase a copy of SHE MADE WAVES. It became a bestseller and I’m so very grateful. It’s a scary thing to put ourselves out there creatively, and your support has been so encouraging. I’m already in the works for my next poetry book. Keep an eye out on instagram for sneak peeks!

I’ve been published in two co-authored books, I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of freelance copy, content, blogs (you name it)! And in the background, there I was, just introspectively jotting down things that made me smile. Things that flowed through my hands. Things I didn’t have to think about. Just for me.

I wrote for a co-authored book and I was even the leader/writing coach for a second. In fact, the entire concept of the second co-authored book was created by me. I knew going into those projects that I wasn’t going to fulfill the inner desire of authorship, but that it would be more like schooling or an internship. I knew that joining those projects would get my feet wet. The publishing industry is elusive… much like the recording industry, the art industry, the influencer industry (remember when it all started with blogging and no one would share how they were making an income with it?), and all other creative industries. I’m thankful for the opportunity to have learned more about publishing, becoming an author, and what it all takes. Those experiences were an important first step.

Well since then, as you can imagine, I’ve been procrastinating (or fearful, but aren’t they the same?) and not doing the thing I most wanted. I wanted to write and publish books on my own.

So here I am!

My first co-authored book was published in 2019, my second in 2020, and my first debut poetry book is about to be published on May 15th, 2021. I think I’m seeing a pattern here. Just when I think I haven’t been firmly pursuing my goals, I read that sentence back and see delight in my steps. I’m doing the things!

So I’d like to formally introduce you to SHE MADE WAVES: to live a life of delight

This is a book of poetry written from 2019 to early 2020 (yep, before it all happened). When I compiled everything, I saw a pattern.. a story… and outline. I actually saw a journey.

She Made Waves is a poetry journey to live a life of delight through mindfulness, lessons, acceptance, letting go, desire, and being.

I am equally excited and scared. I have no idea what May 15th and beyond will bring, but I’m grateful for it. I won’t know anything and will remain in a fearful state unless I try. So here I go.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! Your attention and time mean a lot. If you are interested in helping me get to a best-seller list (every single purchase counts – trust me), you can click here to sign up and find out when the pre-sale launches (pssst, it’s May 1st!). I’ll be sending out the details for those who want to get their hands on a mindful poetry book.

If you haven’t noticed, I don’t blog a lot but I do like to update with some poetry here and there. I mostly open up and share to my email subscription readers. They are my Wild Readers. They know what’s going on and when I have new updates. If you’d like to become one, I’d love for you to follow along.

Thank you again. Thank you for reading. Thank you for taking time out of your day. Thank you for witnessing this new big step of mine.

Thank you.

For writer’s sake
I am not what I mean.
When you awake
And I am me
Will you and I forsake?

Why does the eath turn
And bees sting?
Why do the seas sigh
And humans sing?

There is no reason in perfection
or imperfection in its reason.

We come and go
Amongst the tides
As stories told
We are what lies.

Let's be friends

Receive little notes from me...

* indicates required